There are various reasons for my departure, of which I will detail in future post, but for now, I would just like to jot down what I am feeling about this decision.
Scared. I am terrified of the idea of no longer having any stable income. The nature of a business, especially an entrepreneurial one, may oftentimes be quite risky and unstable, but the past two years, this business has become a stable source of income for me. I had the luxury to spend without too much of a worry. On hindsight, that was very callous and immature of me, not saving up more.
I have slight regrets but not too much. I never had much money growing up, so when this business presented me with the opportunity to live my life with less financial worries, I took it. I have bought things that I would like. Things that have brought utility and joy to me, and also things which brought me lessons - most important of which is the lesson to not simply buy things which do not bring any value. I spent, I gained, I learned. It's alright. At least I now know.
But it still does not remove the fear of no longer not being able to rely on a steady stream of cash flow. As I sit here, thinking about the future, my heart rate increased, my breathing is short and fast, my mind is racing with negative thoughts and worries.
I shouldn't be worrying about this. I should be thankful of what I have been given and move on to build an even better future. I should not be worried about not having enough money to buy what I want, because that is not an important concern. I will have enough to survive, and I must not be anxious over not being able to cafe hops or attend hi-teas with my friends because that is indeed not necessary.
Priorities, Audrey. Priorities.
I will be fine.
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